THE BLOB

It was a beautiful Indian summer day as I drove to The Chicago Board of Trade.  This was not a day to work. I wished that I could just enjoy one of the last beautiful days in Chicago; unfortunately strange events were unfolding at the CBOT that required my attention.

I arrived outside the Chicago Board of Trade and the Lefties had begun to amass.  Strangely this was not what I had expected.  The protest was small and almost cute, If not for the smell of Patchouli and the mindless chanting it might actually be fun.  This gathering of socialists was no match for us Capitalists.  After seeing the size of the beast we decided to lay low for a bit and headed to the safety of a nearby coffee shop.  Inside the coffee shop one member of our team struck up a conversation with the manager.  We learned that the protestors who hate us evil capitalist had no problem plunking down $4.00 for coffee.  AHHH!  The rich bold taste of Capitalism.  I sat back and relaxed in the coffee shop; this mini protest filled with poser socialists drinking capitalist coffee was going to be easy.  After a quick recharge in the coffee shop we walked back to see our tiny little protest; we had no idea what was in store for us.

Shortly after our arrival back, the beast began to grow out of control.  Busses filled with union workers showed up (WHAP) End Foreclosure protesters showed up (BAM) Communist, socialist and Marxist…Oh MY!  Even some global warmers showed up (POW).  It was clear who we were facing now it was the Left Wing BLOB!!!!!  What did they want?  Unionize everything!  Forgive their student loans!  No more foreclosures!  Just give them everything they want for free!  Except coffee they’ll still gladly pay $4.00 for that.

We were soon surrounded by this socialist blob and it was rapidly growing.  We bravely started our fight by asking questions.  Usually the best defense is to ask a simple question such as; what does your sign mean?  We were able to remain low key and for the most part unnoticed, a great strategy, considering we were surrounded by The Blob.  Near the end of the protest, The Blob was having some of its members leave probably for some coffee and some were arrested. That was when our true identity was discovered.

We went in for an interview with an elderly member of the blob, I thought for just fun.  Get her to say something like “I have no idea where we are or what we are doing here.”  We were soon surrounded by a small group of people trying to hear what we were asking her and they were not happy with our line of questioning.  Turns out this little old lady was a prominent member of the Democrat Socialist.  Dun dun DUNNNNN!  This Blob was bigger than we had anticipated.  Just then a member of The Blob in a rare moment of clarity stopped his mindless chanting and yelled AHA!! I know who you are!  You’re a Breitbart!  That’s right we’re a Breitbart.

*****No Andrew Breitbart was not with us that night nor sanctioned any of our actions that night**** 

OWS, the greatest name in protests presents:

the ADVENTURES OF A BREITBART!

FASTER than Al Gore’s Internet!

More POWERFUL than High speed rail!

Able to LEAP small minded liberals in a single bound!

LOOK! On The Internet!
It's a Capitalist!
It's a Conservative!
It's a BREITBART!

Yes, it's A BREITBART, strange visitors from another planet

who came to a protest with powers and abilities to think
FAR beyond those of Socialist men!

A BREITBART!

Who can CHANGE the course of fleeing protesters, BEND cardboard signs in his bare hands;
And who, disguised as us,
Mild-mannered reporter for an almost bankrupt Metropolitan Newspaper,   
fights a never-ending battle for TRUTH,
JUSTICE and the AMERICAN WAY!
And now another exciting episode
in THE ADVENTURES OF A BREITBART"!!!

TEACON

I was able to work/attend Teacon at the Schaumberg convention center.  I always love these events especially when I don’t have to pay to get in, what can I say except that I’m a true conservative.  The Tea Party events just feel right in more ways than one.  I always feel refreshed to know that there are other like minded people out there who won’t give me “That look” for my political views.  I’m sure you’ve all seen; “the look” before they look like they have vomit in the back of their throats when you say “actually I agree with Sarah Palin” That look.

I was able to meet some great people like Dana Loesch.  If you are a conservative reading this and you don’t know who she is take a moment and look her up.  A friend of mine leaned over during her speech and asked if I had ever heard of her before.  Oh YES!  I responded.  I first met Dana in the studio of her radio talk show in St. Louis as she read hate mail she had received and laughed about how much she loved it.  What’s not to like about someone who is also the black sheep of the family for her political views as am I.  Dana also complained at Teacon that there was NO BACON!  If you want to make sure there are no Islamic Extremist in the room why not invite the candy of the meat world BACON!

Another great guy that was at Teacon was Steven Crowder once again take a moment to find out who he is.  I thanked Steven for his comedy and told him how many Facebook fights I had won thanks to his Detroit video.  I usually ask liberals to watch the video and then ask them the same question Steven asks in the video.  If the liberal Democrat way is so good what happened to Detroit?  You will usually either get no answer, blocked or something like SHUT UP!  You stupid conservative!  My advice is to keep asking the question over and over and over, you’ll never get an answer but you will frustrate them.  Remember the rules of the Facebook fight if they call you a name, drop or block you that’s a victory and you can put the World War 2 fighter pilot victory stamp on the side of your laptop.

Now the greatest speech of Teacon was Herman Cain.  If you have not heard of Herman Cain get off my blog right now and look him up.  I first heard Herman Cain in Wisconsin at a little protest they were having there.  I was busy working but could not help but wonder who this guy was, he is fantastic.  He had the Tea Party on that cold Wisconsin day fired up, they hung on his every word he was inspirational.  I just worried that they Tea Bagging idiots would soon figure out he was black.  When I returned from Wisconsin I remembered Herman Cain and his speech for me with my ADD (Oh look a bird!) that was a big deal.  I read up on Mr. Herman Cain and was excited when he finally announced his candidacy.  Herman Cain drew the media to the back of the room of Teacon every major network was there.  I sat back there as we waited for Herman to arrive and laughed as I watched the liberal media have to take that Teacon badge and hang it around their liberal necks.  The look of was priceless, almost like they had a little vomit in the back of their throats.  I watched several of their reports later and their obvious hatred of the Tea Party.  One report just had to mention the lack of color people in the room; I guess she forgot to look on stage.  

Herman Cain thanking me for my endorsement.
Mitt was a bit dissapointed.

Now here is a first I’m going to endorse Herman Cain for President.  I should probably wait on my endorsement like Rush, Hannity and Beck but I know this single endorsement will push Herman Cain over the top in the polls.  Among all of his endorsement he is sure to get the one from the Rwingnut.com will be the one to put him into the nomination and then to the Presidency.  Herman Cain will be The First…After “I Can” American President!

In the Spirit of Rahm

535 Million

Solyndra wasted 535 million in less than 2 years.  How? Not to worry the Wingnut has discovered Solyndra’s expense sheet.

100,000,000 Building a kick-ass looking factory for an Obama Photo-op

100,000 On white lab coats to make us look smart

0 On making the factory ready to produce solar panels (look we saved money)

250,000 Solar panels for Dummies books

525,000 Mirrors! Oops, they reflect light not capture it

575,000 Black plastic to look like solar panels

500,000 Creating a superhero named Solyndra

1,000,000 Painting of Obama as a sun god

500,000 Finding out that Obama is not really a sun god

175,000 Researching foot power cars like the Flintstones

155,000,000 Solar panels from China that actually work

580,000 On light bulbs to shine on the solar panels

750,000 On a solar power Lady Gaga outfit

525,000 On $16 muffins from the Department of Justice

175,000 Security to keep Ed Begley Jr. away

10,000,000 Building a solar powered rocket ship to land on the sun

150,000 On sunglasses so we can stare at that sun thing and figure it out

165,000 On solar power toys from China to keep Joe Biden occupied when he visits

800,000 To find out it’s not always sunny in Philadelphia

300,000 On Sunkist (not what we thought it was)

165,000 Securing the Rights to the song “The Sun Will Come Up Tomorrow” to play when we broke the news to Barack

555,000 Night vision goggles to find the sun at night

1,500,000 Researching moon power

175,000 Solyndra-man costumes for Obama

1,500,000 Repairs from when Biden thought Solar panels were actually trampolines

750,000 Big fans to blow away clouds that blocked the sun

 525,000 Failed marketing solar panels to the Amish

275,000 Apology gift for Michelle Obama after using the phrase “huge sun spot” when walking behind her

525,000 Bribe to the Weather Channel to say that every day was going to be sunny

275,000 Made in China stickers (thought it would bring down the cost of our panels)

 250,000 Solar power golf cart for Obama (that should get his attention)

425,000 Repair Nancy Pelosi’s face (oops didn’t know it was really plastic)

700,000 Solar powered light saber fail

1,500,000 Development of a solar powered teleprompter

2,000,000 Solar windmill project

750,000 Developing solyndra energy drink

25,000 Magnifying glasses to burn ants with the AWESOME power of the SUN

75,000 Cleaning up all the dead ants

25,000 Trying to fry an egg on the sidewalk

55, 000 Cleaning up eggs off the sidewalk

575,000 Sponsor of the first NASCAR solar race car

150,000 Hush money for Bob Beckel

750,000 Fighting SEIU thought it stood for Solar Energy International Union.

775,000 Solar tanning beds

5,000,000 Solar power submarine

1,000,000 Donation to Moammar Gadhafi re-election campaign

242,630,000 The biggest waste was to the Obama 2012 campaign!!!

535 Million of Taxpayer dollars wasted!

The Sign Game

Maybe you missed it, or maybe I just missed it.  I thought at first the picture was photo shopped but, no it was real.  During the president’s speech on his new jobs proposal, Rep. Jeff Landry, a Republican freshman from Louisiana, held a sign displaying a simply message: “Drilling = jobs”.  What a great idea he avoids the “Joe Wilson” problem by just simply holding a sign and who knows maybe Obama might have confused it with his teleprompter and read it.  This of course could be the new fad at presidential speeches and might show us some insight into the politicians.

Allen West just telling it straight

John Boehner with his favorite sign

Erections Have Consequences

Barney and a sign for his house and the house

John Kerry's favorite

Nancy doesn't know what to do without Bush to bash but Boehner knows!

Bush has a message

A great sign from Bush

Looks like Carter may be the only one happy with the Obama presidency

Tim Scott a black conservative????

We already knew that Nancy.

sorry couldn't pass up this obvious Rosie O'Donnel joke!

See John Edawards does care

Going old school

Joe Knows

I don't think Bill is a fan of the sign game

Harry Reid maybe taking the cowboy poetry thing too far

We all thought it