The looming talk of raising the debt ceiling again has me thinking once more of my budget cuts. That’s right; I think we should put the budget back in the hands of the people and let us decide where to make cuts in the budget. The President, Vice President and the Congress won’t be happy but the Taxpayers will finally be able to rejoice.
First let’s start with the people who got us into this mess, The Government, and why not start at the top. I was originally going to lay off the Vice President; I don’t even think he knows exactly what he’s supposed to do. Outside of waiting for something to happen to the President and sitting behind him for the State of the Union, I don’t see the Vice President doing much. Now the only reason to not lay off the Vice President is so I can lay off the cabinet instead. Secretary of State, the Treasury, the Interior, the Defense, the Agriculture, the Commerce, Labor, Health and Human Services, Housing and Urban Development, Transportation, Energy, Education, Veterans Affairs, Homeland Security and the Attorney General would all fall to the Vice President. Sorry but the rest of the country is downsizing and employees are taking on more responsibility. I would also bet we would find that we do not need most of these cabinet members anyway.
Next, let’s turn our attention to the House of Representatives with 435 members. WHAT! 435 members! Now we can definitely cut that in half to 217.5 but let’s round down so I don’t have to make a midget joke. We could simply line up all the Republicans and all the Democrats and have them walk to the front of the house and draw straws to decide who to let go. Before they start drawing straws, I think the congressmen who have been there the longest should go first, since they contributed the most to the mess. The Senate would follow the same, 100 Senators down to 50. One Senator from each state, of course someone would have to explain to Obama why there are only 50 and not 57. The savings would be huge not only from their salaries but also from their staffs.
Now onto the Supreme Court, nine members is a bit of overkill in this economy. I was originally going to cut them in half but yes, I know they need an odd number so why not five? Then I thought American Idol has done fine with three, what could be more American than American Idol, so let’s cut them down to three. The balance currently is towards the conservative side, so let’s try and keep it that way. I want to start televising the cases like merging Judge Judy and American Idol. I wanted to keep John Roberts but I don’t think he can handle the pressure after messing up the Oath of office. Clarence Thomas will make the cut; he can play the Randy Jackson role and have everyone wondering what’s in his Coke glass. Justices Scalia and Kennedy would both have to go, so that leaves Alito who is now known for mouthing “Not True” during Obama’s State of the Union speech. Alito would be a perfect fit for the Simon Cowell part. This leaves one Liberal we need to name for the balance and comic relief that would play the part that Paula Abdul had. I think it can only be played by Sonia Sotomayor.
Now all of these layoffs and cuts would only be temporary, or at least that is what we would tell them. For all the times I have been laid off or taken a pay cut, that is what I was always told. If the economy improves, then we can have more members back. Okay, not really! All of this would continue until we could institute online voting for every bill. Why not? In this day and age, we could set up ATM like machines for people without internet access and we could all simply enter a voter I.D. number, so we only vote once on every bill. Until then, look forward to American Supreme Court. You’ve been over ruled DAWG!
