THE BLOB

It was a beautiful Indian summer day as I drove to The Chicago Board of Trade.  This was not a day to work. I wished that I could just enjoy one of the last beautiful days in Chicago; unfortunately strange events were unfolding at the CBOT that required my attention.

I arrived outside the Chicago Board of Trade and the Lefties had begun to amass.  Strangely this was not what I had expected.  The protest was small and almost cute, If not for the smell of Patchouli and the mindless chanting it might actually be fun.  This gathering of socialists was no match for us Capitalists.  After seeing the size of the beast we decided to lay low for a bit and headed to the safety of a nearby coffee shop.  Inside the coffee shop one member of our team struck up a conversation with the manager.  We learned that the protestors who hate us evil capitalist had no problem plunking down $4.00 for coffee.  AHHH!  The rich bold taste of Capitalism.  I sat back and relaxed in the coffee shop; this mini protest filled with poser socialists drinking capitalist coffee was going to be easy.  After a quick recharge in the coffee shop we walked back to see our tiny little protest; we had no idea what was in store for us.

Shortly after our arrival back, the beast began to grow out of control.  Busses filled with union workers showed up (WHAP) End Foreclosure protesters showed up (BAM) Communist, socialist and Marxist…Oh MY!  Even some global warmers showed up (POW).  It was clear who we were facing now it was the Left Wing BLOB!!!!!  What did they want?  Unionize everything!  Forgive their student loans!  No more foreclosures!  Just give them everything they want for free!  Except coffee they’ll still gladly pay $4.00 for that.

We were soon surrounded by this socialist blob and it was rapidly growing.  We bravely started our fight by asking questions.  Usually the best defense is to ask a simple question such as; what does your sign mean?  We were able to remain low key and for the most part unnoticed, a great strategy, considering we were surrounded by The Blob.  Near the end of the protest, The Blob was having some of its members leave probably for some coffee and some were arrested. That was when our true identity was discovered.

We went in for an interview with an elderly member of the blob, I thought for just fun.  Get her to say something like “I have no idea where we are or what we are doing here.”  We were soon surrounded by a small group of people trying to hear what we were asking her and they were not happy with our line of questioning.  Turns out this little old lady was a prominent member of the Democrat Socialist.  Dun dun DUNNNNN!  This Blob was bigger than we had anticipated.  Just then a member of The Blob in a rare moment of clarity stopped his mindless chanting and yelled AHA!! I know who you are!  You’re a Breitbart!  That’s right we’re a Breitbart.

*****No Andrew Breitbart was not with us that night nor sanctioned any of our actions that night**** 

OWS, the greatest name in protests presents:

the ADVENTURES OF A BREITBART!

FASTER than Al Gore’s Internet!

More POWERFUL than High speed rail!

Able to LEAP small minded liberals in a single bound!

LOOK! On The Internet!
It's a Capitalist!
It's a Conservative!
It's a BREITBART!

Yes, it's A BREITBART, strange visitors from another planet

who came to a protest with powers and abilities to think
FAR beyond those of Socialist men!

A BREITBART!

Who can CHANGE the course of fleeing protesters, BEND cardboard signs in his bare hands;
And who, disguised as us,
Mild-mannered reporter for an almost bankrupt Metropolitan Newspaper,   
fights a never-ending battle for TRUTH,
JUSTICE and the AMERICAN WAY!
And now another exciting episode
in THE ADVENTURES OF A BREITBART"!!!