Happy day after St. Patrick’s Day! What a great day it was in Chicago. The weather was so nice we decided to head into the city and watch the river be dyed green, I’m still waiting to figure out how to dye it blue. Yes, it was extremely crowded but I sort of enjoyed watching all the weirdoes in the crowd and watching the police deal with the ones who cross the line. Watching all of this got me to thinking about how Chicago would have handled the G8. 
I have yet to meet anyone from Chicago who was disappointed in losing the Olympics, oops sorry the G8. I think Chicago lost the G8 because it would not look good to watch the president’s home town filled with riots just before an election. Nothing says I deserve to be re-elected like gas masks, protesters and burning storefronts. I fully support them moving the G8, in fact have these world leaders never heard of teleconferencing? Hey or how about not announcing where the G8 is until after it is over?
As I watched some police officers arrest a drunken leprechaun, I couldn’t help but think, Chicago couldn’t handle the South Side Irish Parade, why did they ever think they could handle the G8? That’s when it hit me, why not combine the two? Now before you call it crazy, just hear me out.
When the protesters hit town they may be a bit stunned at first, they’ll see everyone dressed in green and guys in funny suits racing up and down the river dying it green. They will think this is some sort of green program Chicago has initiated. When the G8 protesters figure out what’s going on they’ll start their usual chanting and that’s when we send in the bagpipes, nothing will stop mindless chanting like men in skirts playing a bag that sounds like a dying cat. The protesters next step will be to start marching and that’s when we send in the Irish dancers. I’m sorry but those girls dancing will put anybody into a trance. I know when I watch them, all I can think is why don’t they move their arms? Is that little girl okay or can she just not move her arms? My God would somebody help them, they are paralyzed from the neck to the waist and now they’ve lost control of their feet. All of this will get us through the day but night is a different story.
At night is when we unleash the drunken leprechauns. When the G8 protesters head into the streets at night, they will surely light some Molotov cocktails and the drunken leprechauns will simply grab the cocktail, blow out the wick on top, down the alcohol and ask the G8’ers for another. When the G8’ers run out; well let’s just say you never want to tell the Drunken leprechauns that the bar is closed. All the storefronts in Chicago could sell dollar green beers and this would protect them from any property damage the G8’ers could do. Just let them try and throw a rock into a place selling dollar green beers to a drunken leprechaun.
President O’Bama don’t be afraid to embrace your Irish roots and let them handle the G8 for you.
When the protesters hit town they may be a bit stunned at first, they’ll see everyone dressed in green and guys in funny suits racing up and down the river dying it green. They will think this is some sort of green program Chicago has initiated. When the G8 protesters figure out what’s going on they’ll start their usual chanting and that’s when we send in the bagpipes, nothing will stop mindless chanting like men in skirts playing a bag that sounds like a dying cat. The protesters next step will be to start marching and that’s when we send in the Irish dancers. I’m sorry but those girls dancing will put anybody into a trance. I know when I watch them, all I can think is why don’t they move their arms? Is that little girl okay or can she just not move her arms? My God would somebody help them, they are paralyzed from the neck to the waist and now they’ve lost control of their feet. All of this will get us through the day but night is a different story.
