Rebel Motors

I’m looking for some business advice.  I have been consumed lately by watching all of the recent protest and rebel forces in the Middle East. They have given me some ideas. I have what I think to be a great investment, but the risks have me just a bit concerned. 

Every time the news talks about rebel forces, it seems that they cut to a shot of the guys in a small truck with a machine gun strapped in the bed.  Usually the news shows the truck racing by as a guy in the back holds on for dear life.  What a great business opportunity this could be for us.  I’m not talking about selling machine guns to the rebels; that would just be crazy.  How about selling them the vehicle?

Have you started a revolution?  Looking to overthrow an evil dictator?  Do you have a high caliber machine gun and no way of transporting it?  Then come on down to Rebel Motors.  We have Nissans, Datsuns and Toyota trucks many of these trucks were part of the cash for clunkers program, the US government screwed up and paid big cash for these trucks but, you can save.  Pick out a previously loved truck and your machine gun can easily be bolted on and off you go to overthrow the evil dictator in style.  Sorry, financing is not available since you are overthrowing the government that backs the currency.  We also have cars for all your car bombing needs; blow the car not the cash!

Now the machine gun truck dealership would only be the start.  Once they have their machine gun truck they’ll take it out and parade it in front of all the TV cameras and eventually they will run out of gas.  That’s right we open a bunch of gas stations called the “Run and Gun” for the rebels to fill up their trucks.  The Run & Gun spend less loot so you have more to shoot.  We could sell pre-paid gas cards so they could pay at the pump and get back to the revolution faster.  We could allow them to come in for a moment and purchase some snacks and our version of the Big Gulp the Shoot n’ Slurp.  Overthrowing an entire government is hard work and you need to be able to reload your thirst.  We could also offer full service; where they can fill up your tank and scrape the dead bugs and body parts off your windshield.      

Of course there are a few risks, like getting a business license from a Dictator.  I imagine the paperwork could just kill ya.  The chance of getting bombed and rebels in the back of a truck are not known for gun safety and a 50 caliber going off at a gas station is not good. Not to mention anyone willing to drive a crappy truck with a machine gun mounted on the back is probably not the best customer.  Pay at the pump may not work; they’re not paying with a gold card, when they can pay with lead bullets!  Outside of all of this I think it’s a great idea and franchise opportunities will soon be available.    

The 80s are EVIL

Once again, my strange life had me attending something I never thought I would be at, ever.  I attended David Sirota, discussing his new book Back to Our Future: How the 1980s Explain the World We Live in Now.  I ‘am not just a huge fan of the 80s but, I’m also the exact guy the author was talking about.   I had no idea when I was sitting down to watch TV in the 80s, that here in 2011, I was going to be able to blame all of my problems on those shows.  I was a bit interested in the subject but, knowing this was coming from a liberal bias, I was going to be thinking, “What cha talkin bout, Willis?”

The author quickly attacked several of my favorite shows that I may not ever be able to watch again without chuckling.  Michael J Fox was one of his big targets from Back to the Future to Family Ties. Michael J Fox is one of the biggest reasons we are so screwed up today.  I’m just glad I didn’t have a Teen Bop magazine heart throb picture of him on my wall but a few of my girlfriends sure did.  Back to the Future gave us a warped sense of the 1950s and Reagan was able to harness that nostalgia and win the presidency.  Yes, I know Back to the future was released in 1980 and Reagan was elected in 1981.  Maybe he was talking about his re election.  Then that damn Michael J Fox starred in Family ties that showed him as a Reagan conservative and made fun of his dirty hippie parents.  I’m not sure but was there a different version of Family Ties?  Because that was not the show I was watching.  Alex P. Keaton often seemed like the bumbling idiot kid who always had to turn to his former hippie father for the answer.  The same hippie father who worked for PBS and was able to raise four kids in a nice house all on a PBS salary.  Sounds to me like PBS propaganda.

His next attack was on one of my favorite shows The A-Team.  What?  The A-Team, he can’t seriously blame the A-Team for our problems. “Why, I Pity the Fool!”  He went directly for the title sequence. 

In 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit.

Obviously the governments screwed up by first ordering them to rob the bank then arrest them for it and this is why children of the 80s now don’t trust the government.  I obviously have no other reason not to trust the government.

These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground.

David explained that this was showing once again that only the government could let prisoners escape from a maximum security prison.  Gee and I always asked why LA?  If you’re going to escape from prison would you really hang out in LA?  Why not go some place tropical like Hawaii or Key West?  Why not head for the Bahamas or Aruba?  I guess they stayed in LA so it was easier for them to shoot their TV show Commuting from the tropics would be a bit difficult.

Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.   

 Old ladies, farmers and nuns could all find the A team the author pointed out; everyone could find the A team, but the government.  Yes proving once again how inept the government is.  Nope it’s not the long lines at the DMV, it’s not bills being passed without reading them and it’s not bombing Aspirin factories, it’s all the A-teams fault.   Funny, but I thought the government trained the A team to do exactly what they were doing, but I guess as a kid I missed that message.   I do find it funny that both Obama and Mr. T have their own Chia-pets now.

I found out that most of the shows and movies I loved as a kid were evil and wrong.  Silver Spoons taught us that you want to be rich.  How could anyone hate a show that gave us Ricky Schroder (sorry “Rick” but you’ll always be Ricky to me) and Carlton (Alfonso Ribeiro) be wrong?  I know you are all doing the Carlton dance right now.  I always wanted a train in my house and a Pac Man game, no train in the house yet, but I’ve got Pac Man on my phone.  Home Alone was wrong because what did that brat kid do to live in such a nice house?  Why would that kid try and stop a couple of guys who were just trying to spread the wealth?  I wanted to slap the guy with a paint can, burn his head with a blowtorch, smash his face with an iron and shove a nail through his foot just like Macaulay Culkin.  Hey genius, First he’s a kid maybe you should wonder what his dad did for a living.  Second, it’s Macaulay Culkin and he’s starring in a movie that you just plunked down money to see.  That’s how he can afford a house in john Hugh’s neighborhood.

The Author went on for far way to long dismantling the eighties to fit his little scenario.  Funny, he didn’t mention some of my other favorite shows from the eighties like Different Strokes, oh but that guy was rich forget the fact that he adopted two black children and treated them like his own.  How about Chips, John and Ponch seemed like great government employees that cared about their job.  Emergency, two paramedics that were always going the extra mile and usually hanging over a cliff all for their measly government check.  Then those government employees would race the poor innocent victim to the hospital that never turned them away due to a lack of insurance.  Funny all this happened before Obamacare.

He didn’t touch on cartoons much but I loved cartoons in the eighties.  I was an underdog fan. I wonder what was wrong with Underdog it was probably racist or taught me that I needed a dog to solve my problems and not the government.  The other cartoon I liked was He Man and now that I look back I wonder if the He Man producers were trying to turn me gay.  The cartoon I wanted to yell out to the author was the Smurfs.  “What are you Smurfin’nuts?”   The Smurfs are obviously communists.  The Smurfs lived in a village and everyone had a job to serve the village.  Their leader Papa Smurf wore communist red and looked like Carl Marx.  Even the Name Smurf stands for Socialist Men Under Red Father.  Many of my friends were huge Smurf fans and outside of a few I don’t think many of them are socialist.

Funny, I had no idea liberal Hollywood was the cause of all my conservative views.  I’ve actually only brought you some of the highlights of the speech, for not agreeing with one thing the man said, I did find it good for a laugh and a nice walk down memory lane.  If Vh1 ever does the I Love the 80’s shows again, they should have David Sirota on; he would fit in nicely with the other comedians.  After the comedy routine, oops sorry, lecture, I asked one of my liberal minded friends what he thought of the lecture and his response summed it up nicely.  “Ya know sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and sometimes producers make movies and TV show just for the money.”  I wonder if there was a Producer Smurf.

President Rodman

“The President does not have power under the Constitution to unilaterally authorize a military attack in a situation that does not involve stopping an actual or imminent threat to the nation,”  
– Barack Obama December 2007

I was a huge Bulls Fan back in the day, I will admit a bit of a fair weather fan since I don’t watch them often now.  I am a loyal Cubs and Bears fan since I love baseball and football.  The Jordan era Bulls gave me a Chris Matthews tingle up my leg.  I loved the years the Bulls won the championships; I also remember the years leading up to the championships and the losses to Detroit. 

Dennis Rodman!  I remember how much I hated him.  How could the league let a guy like that play?  He should be in a mental institution not an NBA court.  I know other Bulls fans felt the same and we cursed his name, but then the Bulls announced that he had signed with them.  Then our story changed he no longer belonged in a mental institution, he was just misunderstood.  Deep down he’s a great guy once you get pass the hair, tattoos and the piercings.

Barack Obama a Chicago guy himself is now the Dennis Rodman of the left.  Obama ran a campaign selling himself as the complete opposite of Bush and I think both Barack and the left believed it.  Obama was the Superman Bizarro of Bush.  Alas for our left minded Superman and Bulls fans it was not to be.

Soon after Rodman arrived in Chicago it became clear what had happened.  Rodman was still a nut job and a dirty player but we cheered for him because he was our nut job.  Now that Obama has bombed Libya, the left has seen that he is still just like other presidents and not the guy they thought he was.  I laughed when I read on Twitter that “Obama has now fired more cruise missiles than any other Nobel Peace Prize Winner”.  How were my leftist friends going to defend this?

They are defending it just like Bulls fans defended Rodman.  He may be wrong and a nut job but he’s our nut job.  Now as conservatives we get to sit back and enjoy watching our democratic friends squirm as they try to defend Obama.  I grew tired of defending Rodman and the Bulls did win three championships with him but most nut jobs don’t work out so well.  I’m just hoping that Obama will dye his hair different colors, get a bunch of tattoos and more piercings than a voodoo doll.

The Ghost of Ronald Reagan

I wish I was a liberal; my life would be so much easier.  I have to admit this thought seems to cross my mind more and more.  Yes when I think about it I get a little bit of vomit in the back of my throat.  I also would have to get a lobotomy to stop thinking rationally but I can’t help but wonder would it all be worth it?

I work as a union television cameraman in Chicago, so I work for the liberal media.  When I’m not in the liberal media I’m working with artists and actors who very rarely if ever have conservative views.  The other part of my job entails working big corporate meetings with union guys who complain about the rich corporations who have just hired their union to do a meeting for them.  Trust me my head wants to explode at the irony of it all.  On a daily bases to keep my job and my sanity I’m forced to shut off my mind.  I do have some allies who are in the same predicament and if one of them is working with me I simply look over hold my hand to the side of my head and turn the key off.  It truly is the only way to survive the liberal jungle in which I work.

Why can’t I think more like them?  If I did, would I see rainbows and dancing unicorns in a green meadow?   Would I see the money fountain that they see?  I have to admit the conservative way seems a lot harder.  If I have a problem, I would love for the government to swoop down and fix it with no cost to me.  I want my free Mac and an I Pad that Jesse Jackson Jr. wants to give me.  I’m shocked the Founding Fathers did not put that in the constitution.  I want to walk up to guys like Rich Uncle Pennybags from the Monopoly game and have them hand me money because I just passed Go and they have too much and I want some.  It’s like the world would be filled with Santa Claus’s handing out candy canes of happiness to all of his socialized worker elves.  I want to turn that key on my head and leave it off. 

I was outed a few years ago by an e mail that I sent out to a bunch of friends and co workers and one of them responded making fun of my conservative values.  Just by accidently hitting reply all on the email everyone suddenly knew that I had voted for George W. Bush.  My inbox was lit up with letters asking if it was true and how could this be; come on you can’t be serious you seem so nice.  I was now the ugly, angry beast the media has painted us to be; yep the same liberal media that employs me.  The easy thing to do would have been to deny the whole thing but I was not going to turn my back on my values or my conservative friends.  I stood up and took the ribbing, the jokes and eventually the shunning from people.

I’ve heard that gay conservatives think it’s harder to come out as a conservative than as a gay.  I cannot say for sure but I think it would have been easier for me.  I don’t like to hunt, fish or even work on cars.  I do like to cook, I like to decorate for the holidays and I often rearrange the furniture in my house and have helped people do the same.  Friends have even called me Marty Stewart. I know these are just stereotypes but they fit me like a Simon Cowell t-shirt. I think I’m only missing one major component to being gay but alas I would still be a gay conservative and have to go through both outings.  To my gay conservative friends out there keep up the good fight; I know my fight pales in comparison to yours.

If I were a liberal, I could openly bash all Republicans and call anyone who disagrees with Obama a racist.  I could blame Bush for all my problems; my car won’t start and it’s all because of Bush!  I could post anything from MSNBC as fact and yell about those corrupt Fox News guys.  I would no longer worry about charities and which one I should donate to, the government would do it for me.  I would no longer have to use facts in my debates or back up my claims.  Life would be so easy.

Unfortunately I can only turn the key off for so long.  I walk out of the lion’s den of liberalism and the key seems to turn back on all by itself.  Suddenly I feel the need to take responsibility for my actions; I suddenly think Bush outside of his spending habits wasn’t that bad.  I see a guy in a nice car and I don’t automatically think “you rich scumbag I hope your enjoying my money!” instead I think “I wonder what he does for a living to afford such a nice car.  Why, Why, Why?  Can I not be more like a liberal; my life would be so much easier!  Why can I not let the government take care of me?  Why can I not just live off the scumbag rich?  Why can I not just watch MSNBC without getting irritated?  Why do I believe in capitalism?  It’s then I look over at the seat next to me and the ghost of Ronald Reagan is sitting next to me, he gives me a wink and a smile and says “Well, the trouble with our liberal friends is not that they are ignorant, but that they know so much that isn’t so.”

Worst Liberal Argument EVER!!

As many of you who know me one of my favorite things to do is debate politics on Facebook.  I have several friends who also enjoy it as well, I laugh that when most guys talk cars, fishing or other manly hobbies we find it fun to debate liberals.  I love getting the phone call exclaiming “I got one!” as if they had just got a fish on the hook and you need to grab the net.  I call it fishing for liberals.  Unfortunately as of late I have toned down the rhetoric on my Facebook page due to the large number of clients that are friend requesting me. 

The Wisconsin Teachers Union battle has provided us with hours of fun.  At the beginning of the Wisconsin turmoil, I debated with one of our old nemesis   who offered the usual MSNBC and Huffington Puffing ton articles as facts.  We had a good laugh and quickly dismissed the articles as biased and even found articles that debunked them.  Of course the liberal cried foul that we would dismiss them as facts but I quickly reminded him that he would do the same with any right wing blog or if I linked him to Fox News.  I even offered him a bit of advice, use Google.  That’s right and now I’m sharing a tip with all of you when arguing with a liberal. Google will be your greatest asset; you know the liberals will not accept anything from Fox News but Google will find the same news somewhere else.  My personal favorite is when I can find the same article on MSNBC.  Needless to say the liberal did not take my advice and soon disappeared from the discussion.

Our liberal friend did send me a great link that only furthered my point and I thanked him for it and said it was going to help me win more debates and it has.  The link is to Governor Walker’s memo on the bill and it explains what is happening.  Here it is for you to love and share and win with.

 http://thewheelerreport.com/releases/February11/0211/0211walkerletter.pdf      

If nothing else look at the collective bargaining agreement part and see that is not that bad, just bringing the teachers down to what most unions are able to negotiate for. 

The second part of my great debate is always to throw in this article that explains how the Wisconsin Teachers Union also owns WEA Trust that insures almost all the teachers in Wisconsin for a price of course. 

http://www.publicschoolspending.com/daily-updates/weacs-wea-trust-scam-at-stake-in-collective-bargaining-reform/

This is what is driving the state broke.  I’ve yet to have one liberal debate this with me and it usually ends the debate when you tell them see the union is now big business.   Then to completely finish them off just remind them that federal workers have no collective bargaining thanks to Jimmy Carter.

Now for a bit of a disclaimer that you need to remember, liberals usually don’t think clear and may come back like a bad zombie movie.  I thought a recent debate was all but done when a liberal jumped in from nowhere to give it more life.  At first I simply told him I was not going to argue the same points again and if he wanted he simply could go and read my previous comments.  Here is part of our debate.

Educate yourself please! I posted before not only a memo from Walker stating exactly what he wants but also a great article on the Wisconsin teachers union that owns a pet insurance company and forces the state to use this ridiculous insurance company that is robbing the state blind. As I have stated before unions are big business, please take a moment and review the entire thread before you jump in at the end and rehash old and tired points.

Then he responded

I didn't see any Walker Manifesto - just something lame about 14 Democrats being cowards in the face of Republican tools or something like that. I didn't mean to blow up you discussion.

I then remembered he was a liberal and might need some help.

When you read to the end of a comment and it says "see more" click on that and the rest of the comment will drop down and you can continue to read.

Always remember this when arguing with liberals that they have difficulties thinking logically and you may have to help them with the simple things.  I do my best not to be condescending but sometimes it’s tough.  I had my laughs and thought this was fun but nothing had me prepared for what I’m now calling the dumbest liberal argument of all time.

My phone chimed with an alert, I was very excited the fish was tugging at the line again.  My mind raced with all kinds of thought of what he possibly could have written back and what my response was going to be.  I don’t think my life is that pathetic but it’s the little things that keep us going.  My heart was pounding my fingers were ready to type “He’s Back!”   When I was hit with this! 

What this is really all about is the first American civil war. The "conservatives" never got over losing their slaves because the "liberals" won the war. This is just a slow and methodical process to redeem the ideology of the south in a new way. Dirt cheap labor and scared workers make the boss man big and rich!

Ladies and Gentlemen I give you the Worst liberal Argument EVER!

Wisconsin Cartoons

BORING!

The ongoing and seemingly never ending situation in Wisconsin is really starting to bore me.  Do these protesters have anywhere else to be?  Are they not bored sitting there all day long?  Who is paying for their mortgage?  Who is feeding their pets?  How are they getting money for pizza and kettle corn?  Can they tell me how to do this so I no longer have to work?  Are the Fleebaggers not getting sick of being on the lamb?  How much takeout food can you eat?  After a few days in a hotel I’m ready to head home to my own bed.   How are they not bored sitting in a motel room all day? 

This massive stalemate and boredom seems to all come down to the teachers losing their collective bargaining.  We can all end this by not taking the collective bargaining away from the teachers but yet transferring the collective bargaining to the students.  Students have gone on long enough without representation and I think it’s about time we took to the streets for their rights.  Everyone always says “it’s for the kids” well let’s back it up and give students the right to stand up for themselves and even the right to walk off the job on strike.  We all know students have plenty they could strike about.

The creative colleges, I was looking at, always talked about how they tailored their classes towards the creative mind.  They explained to my parents that I had a creative mind and bored with traditional methods of learning, that’s why I was struggling in High School.  I now know that when a school tells a parent that their child is creative it truly means that they are A D D.  If students had a collective bargaining they could fight for creative and engaging teachers. If a teacher starts to bore students they should have the right to stand up and in their best “Homer Simpson voice” yell “BORING!” and walk out of the class.  Teachers would then be forced to make their classes interesting or be fired for an empty classroom.

Shouldn’t students have some say in gym class?  Do we really need to force kids to climb a rope?  What exactly does this prove?  In my professional career I’ve never been asked to climb a rope.  Unless you join the military there is no reason for this skill.  I was forced in grade school to learn square dancing.  What good did that do for me?  The only skill I could get from square dancing is marching around to bad chants doing the same move everyone else is doing.  Funny sounds an awful like union protester.  I can just hear a union boss calling the dance; grab your signs and swing them in the air do si do and around the capitol ya go.  As a kid in elementary school I would have walked out on this.  “Square dancing no; Dodge ball for all!”

School lunches would be one of the biggest reason students should be allowed to unionize.  You know the quality of the lunches is why there is a teacher’s lounge.  I was always convinced they had a grand buffet in the teacher’s lounge that would rival a Vegas Casino Buffet complete with a chef carving meat and a chocolate fountain.  The teachers had all of this while the students ate cheese on cardboard that they call pizza or the dead squirrel they passed off as Salisbury steak.  All of this served by the creepiest lady the school could find to serve the lunch.  In high school we had a lunch lady that went overboard with the eye mascara until she looked like rocky raccoon.  How do you look at a lady like this and not lose your appetite?  The students should be allowed to storm the teacher lounge.  If you want me to use that rope to climb a mountain then I need a chocolate fountain!

Now is the time to truly give the power back to the little people and unionize the student body.  Being class president could be more of a union boss.  “These are our demands Principal or we walk and you’re out of a job!”  Now that would be teaching the kids the power of negotiating and maybe breaking a few legs.   Yes it’s time to send out an S.O.S (Students on Strike!)  Let’s make the Student Union mean something.  K thru eight it’s time to stop the hate!