Wipeout

I’m feeling like a bad conservative today.  I was traveling during the Republican debate and did not watch the debate; I was in the car but chose not to listen.  The next morning I woke up and tried my best to watch the debate on line but I quickly became bored with the stock answers that the politicians gave.  These things have become extremely predicable and boring.  If only there was a way to spice it up.

Here is a few of my suggestions to get more people interested in the debate.  First enough with the standard questions, we all know they aren’t going to tell us the truth anyway so why not ask some more interesting questions.  Here is a list for the next debate.

1.       If Abe Lincoln and George Washington got into a fight who would win?

2.       What song do you sing in the shower?

3.       Can you explain the infield fly rule?

4.       What do you order on your pizza?

5.       What exactly would you do with Anthony’s wiener?

6.       How many licks does it take?

7.       Who is your favorite superhero?

8.       How do you eat Oreos?

9.       What was your favorite Weiner headline?

10.   If you were stranded with your fellow candidates who would you eat first?

Now these questions would only be the start of the debate, the second part would be the physical challenge. We should run the candidate through a series of challenges from both “Minute to Win IT” and “Wipe-out”.  Nothing would help us eliminate candidates like Ron Paul and Newt Gingrich then a quick physical challenge.  What could be better than asking a candidate how they are going to balance the budget while they are trying to keep their own balance?  After having their brains knocked around on a Wipeout style course what a better time to ask them about healthcare. 

The last part of the debate would be the “All American” portion of the contest.  We all remember Obama bowling, throwing out the first pitch in mom jeans and riding the bike.  As Americans we should demand more from our Commander and chief!  So we make them run the gambit, first get them out on the mound and have them throw a pitch and I want a strike.  They should have to stay out there until they throw a strike and look good doing it.  Next, would be the apple pie eating contest; what could be more American than that?  Besides, we would need to let guys like Newt and Christie have a win after beating them up in the physical challenge.  Next they would have to ride a Harley, we need our commander and chief to look good riding an American made hog.  This would help us from getting a Michael Dukakis in a tank moment.  The next step would be a shooting competition, what a great way to see exactly where they stand on gun control then on how they handle a gun.

At the end, the remaining candidates can go on a shopping spree, just like they used to do on Wheel of Fortune.  I just want to see how they will spend money and who will buy the porcelain dog they always had out there.  I think this will assure us of getting a great president that will look good in all situations.  It will also boost the ratings for the debates to which we can sell advertising time and start paying down the national debt.  The biggest reason is that we can start seeing politicians as the clowns they are.

For 3,000 I'll take the Tiffany necklace!