CLANK!

How could I possibly pass up such a great moment as Obama’s Irish CLANK!  For those of you who have not seen the footage just CLANK here.

There are moments when my brain overloads with jokes and I just can’t seem to get a single joke out and this would be one of those times so let me share a few of the one liners with you.

Huh! This must be the new Cash for Clankers!

Looks like his car followed his presidency and bottomed out.

Clinton had a Black Hawk down and now Obama has a Black Car down.

This must be the new Obama “Exit Strategy”

Hey Obama Netanyahu called and he said to take your Limo back to the 1967 style.

So on the way home let’s remember to pick up the helicopter from Pakistani, the Limo from Ireland and my birth certificate from Kenya.

Hello Mr. Gates could you send Seal Team Six to get me Limo unstuck?

So he didn’t spike the football but, he did spike the Limo.

He’s teeing up the limo.  FORE!

The Chevy Volt would never have this problem

Wow! now even the limo is bowing.

I guess we shouldn’t have put that keg of Guinness in the trunk.

Michelle!!  I think you need to follow your own advice and start eating better.

That guy should have gunned it and jumped the limo like the General Lee

Taking it on the bottom, now he knows how the American taxpayers feel!

Gitmo Casino!

I couldn’t help but think what would have happened if they caught Osama?  I’m guessing he would have been brought to Gitmo to await trial.  Ha!  A trial, let’s be honest, there is no way you could give Osama a trial and find him innocent.  All of this has me thinking about Gitmo and my views may surprise many of you.  I think we should close Gitmo; now before you yell and click off the site, hear me out on how we can close Gitmo and reduce the debt.

Gitmo sits on some great property and I’m sure the inmates love it.  They sit there in a cell with a nice ocean breeze blowing in the window, reading their government issue Quran and eating a meal prepared for them by the U.S. Military and paid for by us.  I want to sit down in the tropical paradise having all my needs met.  I think Robin Leach should go to Gitmo and do a story on the Lifestyles of the orange and detained.

Where to move them?  How about Fargo?  I would love to see those guys heading out for prayers when it’s twenty below.  Maybe we should show them how great Americans have it and send them out to shovel the prison yard in their orange jumpsuits.  How about Detroit?  Nobody really wants to move to Detroit these days and large areas of Detroit are abandoned.  We could also let the detainees run around setting off bombs and nobody in Detroit would notice.  We could still have the experience of not only the hardship of shoveling snow but also the hardship of being Detroit Lions fans.

Now that we have the prisoners moved to Fargo or Detroit; what to do with Gitmo?   I took a cruise several years ago and woke up early one morning because our ship was going to be close to Cuba and I might be able to catch a glimpse, sadly, I didn’t get to see Cuba.  With cruise ships constantly passing Cuba by; why not get them to stop at Gitmo?  The U.S. could transform Gitmo from a prison, to a casino.

Cruise ships could dock and tourist could spend the day at the beach or try their luck at the water boarding tables.  Both conservative and Liberals would flock to Gitmo for different reasons, but their money would be just as green and we could pay down the national debt.  The casino could feature waitresses and dealers wearing orange jump suits.  Games could be Dick Cheney Craps, Pelosi Poker, John Kerry Keno, The Bush Black Jack table and of course Rumsfeld’s Gin Rummy.  The Gitmo could serve drinks like a Congress Colada, a Senate Slammer, Powell Punch and of course right now, they could be having a special on the Osama two shots and a splash of water, of course I like mine with a side of bacon. 

The next time they start talking about closing Gitmo don’t just say no say Casino!

Easy

Osama and Elvis

In my college years I was obsessed with Elvis, I loved the whole Elvis is alive conspiracies.  Yes Elvis is alive living in a trailer park and working at Burger King.  From this amusement I got into Elvis’s music and suddenly I was obsessed.  Well, at least I thought I was obsessed until I took a trip to Graceland and saw those who were truly obsessed with him.  I wanted to laugh and joke around at his grave but there were people crying, kind of a kill on the whole laughing at the grave site.

Why do I bring up this obsession with Elvis?  I think we have a lot of people caught up in similar obsession from the “Birthers” to the new “Deathers” (those consumed with Osama’s death) and even the White House has an obsession with Photoshop.  The White House seems to feed both the “Birthers” and the “Deathers” with their “Photoshoppers”.  I’m sure by now you’re a bit confused as we all are but follow me and let me explain.

  It was April 2009 and Obama was still in the beginning of his presidency when Air Force One caused a great scare all for a photo op.  There were dozens of questions to the Obama administration about this one and the best question was why not simply use Photoshop?  Photoshop! Photoshop!  I’m sure Obama screamed it threw the West Wing and then had several meetings on Photoshop.  I wouldn’t be surprised if there is now a Photoshop czar.  The rest of the Cyber-world decided to show President Obama how Photoshop works.  Here are a few of my favorite Air Force One Photoshop jobs.

Since the Air Force One incident and being taught a valuable lesson, the White House and the world is looking to Photoshop to solve all its problems.  First, the “birthers” were answered with a Photoshop copy of Baracks birth certificate.  I’m not exactly sure why a Government official would need Photoshop when they have all the blank documents they need.  My inbox has been filled lately with analysis of the birth certificate and how it was Photo shopped.  Once again, I think if you make Barack run against his record he will lose the election.  The White House still felt a need to answer Donald Trump and the “Birthers” only giving them more life and more conspiracy to talk about.  In the spirit of the Rightwing nut I bring you my favorite Obama birth certificates.

Now, onto the Seal Team Six mission and that now somewhat famous picture in the situation room; is it fake or real?  If you’re the President of the United States should you not get a bigger chair?  He looks like someone just gave him a time out.  We are now learning that Hillary who looks like she is seeing something like a photo of Bill Clinton Naked at a Kripsy Kreme, turns out she has allergies.  Biden looks as if he has just eaten Thanksgiving dinner and is watching the football game.  Funny the only one working is the military person, who probably would be looking at the screen if they were actually watching military action.   Once again here comes Photoshop to the rescue.

Within moments of the announcement of the death of Osama, I was able to find pictures of him with a bullet shot to the head, Photoshopped of course.  Even Scott Brown was duped by a Photoshop version. of Osama.  The White House went back and forth on releasing the photo of his death and burial at sea.  I’m not sure why they decided not to use Photoshop again, maybe because so many had already beaten them to the punch.  Maybe this is indicating the end of the love the White House has for Photoshop but here is how I think they should have handled it.

 Here is just a few more suggestions on how Obama could use Photoshop to improve his image.


He's already following the Bush policies



Look we plugged the DAMN leak!





This should get hime the Treckie vote



Sorry I'm gonna have nightmares also

CAPTURED

DWTS Voters



Getting the Hillary supporters



For some reason I don't think this would get him the Tea Party Vote



Whoops!  Not sure that would help!

Sitting at home Sunday night I turned on Fox News only to see another replay of the Royal wedding.  I didn’t really care about the wedding the first time and still didn’t care. Okay I only wanted to see a horse poop or take off running but, since that didn’t happen I yawned and changed the channel.  I turned on two of my favorite channels Discovery then History, nothing there, oh boy this evening is going to suck.  Finally, I resorted to seeing what the networks had, I ran into Trump’s show.  I loved Trump’s show in years past but since cancelling my TiVo I was not into it this time but why not watch this episode.  I was doing my usual thing, kind of watching as I putzed around the house.  Suddenly there was a crawl at the bottom of the screen the president was planning on making a statement but nothing on what he was going to address the nation about.  I quickly grabbed my computer and hit the blogs, Twitter and Facebook learning that Osama had been killed and my evening got a huge boost of excitement.  I spent the next several hours reading and enjoying all the updates.  I thought it would be fun to share the highlights.

Here is the most disgusting post by a friend that evening, I quickly de-friended them.

Whose leadership killed Osama Bin Laden?!!? That's right President Barack Obama!!!!!!! Suck it Trump!

What exactly does Trump have to do with it anyway?  Here we were only moments into the capture and the left was already politicizing this great moment.

Okay now onto the fun.  Some of my favorite Tweets and Facebook post from the evening.

Ghostosama - Osama Bin Laden

Well this sucks...I accidentally enabled location on my tweets.

Chicago Patriot

now no recap coverage of the royal wedding!!!!

katieomalley

@foxnews oh for Pete's sake will you guys wake up a real reporter?? Paging Brett or Greta or anyone besides Geraldo!

Founding Bloggers

Re: UBL Corpse - He should have turned off his location tracking services on his iPhone!

Iowahawkblog

Is Abbottabad anywhere near Costelloabad?

Ok I want to see Osama's long form death certificate! Mr Trump can you get on it?

  

"I've never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure."
-Mark Twain

The girl married the prince, and the bad guy died... This week is sponsored by Disney

1̶.̶ ̶O̶s̶a̶m̶a̶ ̶B̶i̶n̶ ̶L̶a̶d̶e̶n̶ 2. Waldo 3. Carmen Sandiego

Ghostosama - I retired as the world champion of hide and seek.

Steven Crowder

Satan to Osama Bin Laden: Scotty Pippen? When'd you grow a beard?

katieomalley

In my sleepy little town someone is shooting off fireworks...me...going to go make some bacon

Iowahawk - US has Osama's body? Good, now we can pour the foundation for WTC II.

Osama Blamed Bush before he died!

Ghostosama @ BarckObama I can see your wife naked.

GhostOsama - Just a hypothetical question....lets say one of my 72 virgins is a male. Since im dead it wouldn't be gay to have sex right?

Steven Crowder  - Note to Osama Bin laden: When playing poker with Ted Kennedy, he bluffs. He always bluffs.

I'm guessing Osama's going to be a little disappointed to find out that those 72 virgins are actually all Java script programmers

GhostOsama - I have 67 virgins, Rick James took 1 away from me

Steven Crowder - Best snark of the day Heroic SEAL Team 6 had Osama Bin Laden in crosshairs. It *is* ok to say "crosshairs" now, yes?

Iowahawk - Breaking: Citing Evidence Obtained Through Gitmo, 9th District Appeals Court Overturns Bin Laden Death