South Side Irish G8

Happy day after St. Patrick’s Day!  What a great day it was in Chicago.  The weather was so nice we decided to head into the city and watch the river be dyed green, I’m still waiting to figure out how to dye it blue.  Yes, it was extremely crowded but I sort of enjoyed watching all the weirdoes in the crowd and watching the police deal with the ones who cross the line.  Watching all of this got me to thinking about how Chicago would have handled the G8. 

I have yet to meet anyone from Chicago who was disappointed in losing the Olympics, oops sorry the G8.  I think Chicago lost the G8 because it would not look good to watch the president’s home town filled with riots just before an election.  Nothing says I deserve to be re-elected like gas masks, protesters and burning storefronts.  I fully support them moving the G8, in fact have these world leaders never heard of teleconferencing?   Hey or how about not announcing where the G8 is until after it is over?

As I watched some police officers arrest a drunken leprechaun, I couldn’t help but think, Chicago couldn’t handle the South Side Irish Parade, why did they ever think they could handle the G8?  That’s when it hit me, why not combine the two?  Now before you call it crazy, just hear me out.

When the protesters hit town they may be a bit stunned at first, they’ll see everyone dressed in green and guys in funny suits racing up and down the river dying it green.  They will think this is some sort of green program Chicago has initiated.  When the G8 protesters figure out what’s going on they’ll start their usual chanting and that’s when we send in the bagpipes, nothing will stop mindless chanting like men in skirts playing a bag that sounds like a dying cat.  The protesters next step will be to start marching and that’s when we send in the Irish dancers.  I’m sorry but those girls dancing will put anybody into a trance.  I know when I watch them, all I can think is why don’t they move their arms?  Is that little girl okay or can she just not move her arms?  My God would somebody help them, they are paralyzed from the neck to the waist and now they’ve lost control of their feet.  All of this will get us through the day but night is a different story.

At night is when we unleash the drunken leprechauns.  When the G8 protesters head into the streets at night, they will surely light some Molotov cocktails and the drunken leprechauns will simply grab the cocktail, blow out the wick on top, down the alcohol and ask the G8’ers for another.  When the G8’ers run out; well let’s just say you never want to tell the Drunken leprechauns that the bar is closed.  All the storefronts in Chicago could sell dollar green beers and this would protect them from any property damage the G8’ers could do. Just let them try and throw a rock into a place selling dollar green beers to a drunken leprechaun.

President O’Bama don’t be afraid to embrace your Irish roots and let them handle the G8 for you.  

Obama Bracket Round 1

Headlines from

the Green Conference

The Windmill blew away Algae fuel it was almost like the Algae just sat there.

Solyndra grabbed the headlines with their victory over Fiskaer

The Chevy Volts were on fire as they dimmed the light bulbs.

Questionables Conference

Ayres Bombed Blago out of the tournament and into prison

First Chicago lost the G8 and now they’ve lost to Rev. Wright

Ted Kennedy was all wet in his loss to George “Dr. Evil” Soros

Rezco made Alinsky an offer he couldn’t refuse!

Democrat Division

John Kerry went home with a long face in his loss to Barney Frank

Arlen Spector acted like he didn’t know what team he was on in the loss to Rangel

John Edwards made some great moves on D. Schultz but still struck out.  Sorry I meant couldn’t get in the hole!  Oh sorry!  Personal foul let’s just say he lost.

 Weiner made Franken look like a clown

Big Sis Made Howard Dean scream like a little girl in his loss

Lap Dawgs Conference

Oderman made another poor choice losing big to the irrelevant Media Matters.

Couric was nowhere to be seen in her loss to Jon Stewart

Rev Al Resisted much and Resisted a victory much to what we much resist.

Chris Matthew put a tingle up Mahers leg in a stunning win.  All Maher could say was “Matthews is a lousy C#NT!!!!!”

Bracket Time

President Obama loves March Madness but I have designed a bracket that I would love to see the President fill out.  Feel Free to fill it out the way you think Barack would and as the tournament progresses I'll reveal more of his bracket.

I AM BREITBART!

How do I eulogize Andrew Breitbart?  I didn’t really know him, sure I spent days listening to his every word but I didn’t really know him.  The time we spent together, Andrew was either busy yelling at a liberal, tweeting on his Blackberry or talking on the phone to someone like Dennis Miller or Sean Hannity.  If he wasn’t busy doing any of these things, then maybe we would have a second or two to talk.  So who am I to speak of Breitbart?  Then I remembered “I AM BREITBART!”

Andrew on the phone shortly after Weiner resigned

Something we all need to remember now is that we are all Breitbart!  Nobody can replace Andrew, that’s what made him special, but we can all help him keep his spirit alive.  Andrew showed us that we were not alone in our beliefs and that we should not be ashamed to talk about them.  How many times have you stood there as a “friend” trashed conservatives?  I have done it myself just standing there or walking away as the tolerant left mocks your beliefs.  Breitbart was the man who finally stood up to the bullies and said no more!

Jim Hoft & Andrew Breitbart at Right Nation

The first time I met Breitbart was at Right Nation.  We stepped outside to cover the protest, we walked up to the barricades as the tolerant left began to yell and shout at us.  All of a sudden out of the corner of my eye I saw him, he was a big man dressed in a white shirt and a dark blue blazer his I pad clutched tightly in his hand and he charged right up to the front line of the protest.  For the first time in my life I saw the look of fear in the left.  I knew then he was the conservative superhero, the left could have their Olberman, Their Michael Moore we now had Breitbart who was unafraid and unapologetic about standing up for us and they knew it and it scared them.  This is why Breitbart’s passing hurt all of us; the conservatives had lost their John Lennon, their General Patton and their Jerry Lewis all at the same time.

I’m reminded of a scene from the 1989 movie Glory, where Colonel Robert G Shaw, played by Matthew Broderick says,

 “If this man should fall, who will lift the flag and carry on?"

flag has fallen and we all need to pick it up and keep charging toward the fort.  It’s not easy carrying the flag but we all must do our part now we all must be Breitbart.  I am Breitbart!  WAR!

God Speed Andrew!

Andrew Breitbart 1969 - 2012